I find that many of the stories that I write are about family secrets or at a minimum – things that were taboo or just weren’t talked about in the family even if the intent wasn’t to keep them a secret.  I find them very intriguing because as Paul Harvey would say they tell us “the rest of the story.”

 

Setting the Stage

Each family seems to have their own slant on what is or was acceptable to discuss and what is or was considered hush, hush.  Many of the secrets in a family have to do with maintaining the family’s reputation.  No doubt some of this changed over time as certain things became more acceptable to occur and/or more acceptable to discuss.  However, even today there are things that families don’t discuss.

This article touches on some of the many secrets in the families that I research.  Some of the stories have been written in detail, others will be written, and others I will avoid writing as they aren’t my story to tell.

If you think anything mentioned herein wouldn’t happen in your family, you are most likely incorrect.  All families have secrets and things that aren’t discussed

Health

I found that some of the families didn’t want to discuss health issues in the family – no matter what kind of issue existed.  It was many years before we knew the whole story about my husband’s father’s death.  It was only after we got our hands on a copy of his autopsy that we learned what had occurred back in 1968.  And, thankfully, they had written a very thorough report.

Mental Health

Mental health seemed to be more sensitive than physical health.  My Grandfather Pellett, for instance, fell, injured his leg, got gangrene, and was hospitalized at the VA hospital for years.  And, if you asked the family, that is the story that they would tell.  However, they left out the part that he had what we would call PTSD from his time serving in World War I in France.  That, it appears, is the primary reason that he was hospitalized for so many years.  Read more . . .

In a similar vein, my husband’s grandfather’s first wife Lulu was in and out of the hospital for mental reasons.  This occurred after her children were born and may very well have been related to post-partum depression, although I do not know exactly what her issue was.  Never knew about it until I found multiple newspaper articles that mentioned it.  I had assumed she was just at the state hospital because of her tuberculosis since they often placed patients with it in state facilities.

Reproductive Health

Women’s health issues were among the hush, hush topics across all the families I have researched.  Miscarriages, hysterectomies, and the like were not to be discussed, especially in front of men or children.

I asked a member of the older generation once about why her parents had a 10-year gap between two of their children.  I knew they had lost one child, but wondered if there were others or if something else had occurred.  Well, that was the last time she communicated with me on any subject.  Clearly, it was something she wasn’t going to talk about and did not like that I had asked.

So, little was the discussion about such things that Mom didn’t even tell Dad that she had a prescription for birth control pills.  I assume the doctor gave it to her because he was greatly concerned with her having more children.  Anyway, we found it after she had passed.  She had never filled it, but she also had never thrown it away.  She probably didn’t want anyone to see it in the trash.  Of course, she was embarrassed by bra and girdle commercials when she was dating.  So, . . .

Births, Adoptions, & More

The short first pregnancy seemed to be something that was often hidden.  I have found this hidden so often that people in the last 50 years seem to think it is a recent phenomena.  It clearly has existed over the generations.  For instance, my mother-in-law’s oldest full sister was the result of a short pregnancy as was my great-aunt Lydia.  In some cases, it is difficult to detect as they easily changed dates to make it seem as if everything was proper.  Read more . . .

Adoptions were also sensitive and my husband experienced being told not to mention that a family member was adopted.  Of course, people were also led to believe his cousin was actually his uncle as his grandparents raised their daughter’s child. 

Similarly, my Grandma Pellett was so petrified of what people would think about her daughters having a child outside marriage that she had a fit when her daughter Ruby wrote on a postcard that she was bringing Babe home.  Babe was a cat that she was getting, but Grandma Pellett was petrified that the mailman would read the postcard and think her daughter had had a baby.  And, she had an even bigger fit when her granddaughter had a child too soon after her marriage.

On the other hand, in my dad’s family, it was perfectly acceptable to talk about my cousin Heather being adopted.  However, when one of my cousins became pregnant outside marriage, she still felt the need to hide the pregnancy and give the child up for adoption.  Meanwhile, my more distant cousins tried to convince me and others of a pregnancy outside marriage that would make us related to President John Adams.  Read more . . .

First Spouses

Numerous first spouses were never mentioned or only minimally.  In some cases, it almost seemed like a secret, but I suspect it just wasn’t part of the conversation.  Lemuel McCracken and Louisiana (Matteer) Badgley McCracken are two examples.  However, it seems that their entire lives were one big secret.  Read more . . .

In other cases, I think it was a secret for whatever reason.  One situation was Herman Kutzner and his first wife Ernstine.  They had two daughters and then divorced.  My mother-in-law never had the opportunity to meet her two half-aunts although her mother knew her half-sisters.  Read more . . .

William Johnson Peelle’s possible first wife and child, is another example of a hidden story.  If this story is accurate as it appears to be, it clearly was hidden.  However, my aunts seemed to overhear something and created a new story.  It wasn’t accurate as they clearly only heard piece parts of the story.  Read more . . .

David Ellis was Lucy Ann (Storms) Ellis’ only husband, but he was treated a lot like a previous husband.  Other than grandsons and great-grandsons named David, he is simply not mentioned in any documents or obituaries after the family left Indiana.  A record exists for a David Ellis that died during the Civil War, but it is not clear that this is the same David Ellis.  And, if it was, it would seem that the family would mention him as most families viewed those who served with great respect.  What happened to him is at least a mystery and possibly a family secret.

Maintaining A Reputation

Marriage Secrets

Elizabeth Ashby’s name was always shown as Ashby and it was always thought that her maiden name either wasn’t known or an error was made and her married surname had been listed.  With research, I learned that both her maiden and married surnames were Ashby.  Recently, I discovered a letter where a relative explained to my aunt that her maiden name was also Ashby, but that her and her husband Grant were not related.  I am sure that is what she had been told and fully believed.  However, they were half-first cousins.

It was not a secret that Johann Phillip Helm married Maria Katherina about a month after she arrived in the country.  However, the circumstances that led to that quick marriage appear to be a bit of a secret.  Read more . . .   

Secret Babies

I found two siblings that are descendants of my great-grandparents.  They didn’t know they were related to us.  They always believed their paper genealogy.  I never knew about this connection and I am still working to find out exactly how we connect.

Run-ins With The Law

Great-grandpa William Johnson Peelle spent a night in the calaboose, per his own admission.  However, it was written in his journals.  My grandparents kept them in a desk that he had made.  My dad and his siblings were not allowed to even touch the desk.  Dad always figured this is one of the facts that his mom did not want her kids to know.

When Warren Jury was upset because the girl he had his eye on turned him down.  He took matters into his own hands.  It was all over the news, but the women in the family never spoke of the incident.  Read more . . .

Arthur Callaway deciding to shoot Jake Helm made the newspaper and a court case ensued.  Yet, the story as told doesn’t seem to add up.  The story seemed to be swept under the rug even though my mother-in-law was present.  In this case, it wasn’t family doing the shooting.  Well, not exactly.  Arthur was a cousin of Jake’s daughter Rosa’s husband.

Just Pure Tragedy

No one spoke out loud about Rebecca Jury and her tragic life.  If it were not for newspapers and records, the family would never have known what was behind those whispers between Grandma McCracken and her sister Lydia Peelle.  Read more . . .

More Secrets

There are more secrets that I have uncovered.  Some that I will write about one day and some that I think are best left alone.  Yet, I doubt that I am done uncovering secrets.  Matter of fact, I am currently researching a genetic tie to a Bailey family.  Before anyone gets excited – They are NOT related at least in any close way and likely not at all to the Baileys of Bourbon County.  It appears that connection occurred during or before the Civil War and they tie into our Peppard ancestry.  I hope to have more to share on that soon.

 

Woman Image by: Willgard Krause from Pixabay;